i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
