I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
