I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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