Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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