I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
