Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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