I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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