she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
