this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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