we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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