I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
