Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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