so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize