I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am mentally ready for anal.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
