You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
