He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
