You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
