Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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