I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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