we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
