Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
