I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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