I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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