I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
