his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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