OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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