I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
