No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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