Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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