Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Alive.
So much puke
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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