Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
