My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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