Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
