I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
