Don't make out with my wife yet
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Did I show you my penis last night?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
