so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
