Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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