she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
