i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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