how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
how do you play pong handcuffed?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
