I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
