When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I looked at my own cervix.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
