Who wears a wallet chain?!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
