half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize