i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
