youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
