If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
ttyl tear gas
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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