dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
