FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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