All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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