Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
