I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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