My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And then he peed in my hair
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