I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
