My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So apparently I’m into choking now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
