I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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