Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
