I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
