now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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