Soap is not a condiment
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
