Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
