im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
