she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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