there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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