Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
