Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
