from now on my penis is your penis
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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