I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
