I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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