he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
