I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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