You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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