It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
